At the bitter end
by Trisana Tennant
Summary: Human AU; Alfred F. Jones is just a normal secretary for the President until the Russian leader comes for a meeting and his life is changed for good.
1. Lost and Found

Alfred F. Jones slung on the badge that proclaimed his job loudly: secretary for the President of the United States, one of many. He walked through the halls of the White House, trying to reach his boss's office. He'd miss the people and he'd miss the benefits of this job but would he regret quitting? Never. He had reached the door he wanted and knocked.

"Come in," the familiar voice called. He entered. The man at the desk looked up at him and smiled. "Hello, Alfred!"

"Hey, boss. I have some good news for you." He took off his badge and set on the desk. "I'm quitting."

"Why?"

"Remember that missing delegate?"

"Yes."

"I found him and when he goes back, I'm going with him."

"I see. I need to make a phone call. Stay here, I need you around for this and we'll discuss this when I'm done."

Alfred sat down as a phone was picked up and a number was dialed.

"Hello, Dmitry."

Alfred had to hold back laughter.

"You're in a meeting with the French. Yes, of course. I'm sorry."

Alfred pretended to be interested in the ceiling to try to hold back more laughter.

"Yes, that is why I'm calling. One of my secretaries found him. Hold on, I'll ask." A paper was scribbled on and passed to him.

_Dead or alive_

_Alive_

"He's alive."

_Is he well?_

_Yes, he's a little homesick but that's it._

"He's homesick but other than that he is well. I don't know, that's a reason why I called. The guy who found him is saying he wants to go with him. Yes, I think that's why. You can't stop… that sounds very French. No wonder it does. Alright, I'll tell him. Thank you. Goodbye, Dmitry." The president hung up. "He says it's fine with him. Now, why were you laughing at the beginning of my conversation?"

"Peter Sellers," Alfred said, as if no other explanation was needed.

"Oh, you. Fine, go move to Russia." The man rubbed his head as Alfred skipped out.

* * *

**Last thing I need to start another story but here one is. We'll do some time traveling soon to get to the real plot of the story.**

**If anybody knows why Alfred said Peter Sellers, I'll give them a chocolate cake (or some food of their choice if they can't have the cake). I would also love them forever.**

**I'm sorry if this offends anybody.**

**Also, yes, this takes place this year. That's why I couldn't resist the Peter Sellers. All the nations are humans working for their government in some way in this AU. The very French line that was almost quoted was said by Francis, of course.**


	2. Meeting

Alfred had been only working in the White House for three months when the senior secretary came up to him. "He wants you to take the day off tomorrow."

Alfred nodded and kept working. He was already well established as a great secretary although somewhat of an idiot. He knew why he had been asked to take the day off, his _favorite_ people in the world were coming for a meeting. Clocking out at the end of the day, he hopped into his car and drove home, turning his music up loud.

The next day was spent playing video games in sheer boredom. When he returned to work, it was to find that there was a staff meeting.

"The meeting with the Russians went over well, however something unfortunate happened. One of their, I forgot what he was, went missing. We are forced to assume he is still in D.C. somewhere. I want you all to be on the lookout for him. You're dismissed."

Alfred was off at lunch and wandered the streets looking for Five Guys burgers when he spotted the cat. It was standing in an alleyway, lost and confused. It was holding its paw up like it had been hurt. His hunger forgotten, he approached the cat. It watched him carefully with its violet eyes. He knelt in front of it and it didn't run away. _What an unusual cat. _

"Are you lost?"

Meow.

"Are you a stray?"

Meow.

"Do you need help?"

Meow.

"Can I help you?"

Meow and a gray paw touched his hand cautiously. He gently picked the cat up and headed home.

"You're a Russian Blue, aren't you?"

Meow.

"Female?"

Silence.

"Male?"

Meow.

He made it home and started preparing to go to the grocery store. He had a cat to take care of now.

"You need a name, don't you?"

Meow.

He booted his computer and started looking at names, the cat looked with him.

"What letter?"

The cat pointed at I.

"Alright, next letter."

Meow.

"V?"

Meow.

"Are you sure?"

A paw curled around his wrist and violet eyes met blue ones. Meow.

"Okay, Ivan."

He got up and left for the store.

Ivan sighed to himself. So the damn Englishman had decided to take his revenge while he was in America and now he was stuck with an idiot for a caretaker. Still, he thought as he licked his broken paw, it was better than none. What to do first, find out how to become human again or find more about this curious human. His badge claimed he worked at the White House but he knew he didn't see him yesterday.

* * *

**Yep, Arthur turned Ivan into a cat who was taken in by Alfred. Alfred will realize his new companion isn't what he seems soon.**

**Happy birthday, Latvia.**


	3. First Kiss

**Note: Congratulations to Kang Jae Gyu for successfully identifying the movie as Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. **

**(MAD much? [Mutual Assured Devotion not Mutual Assured Destruction])**

* * *

It had been two weeks since Ivan moved in, Alfred had gotten used his presence around the house. He didn't help much, expect for when he felt down. This was one of those times. He was lying on the floor with Ivan seated next to him.

"I feel bad, that poor man is still missing."

Ivan wanted to claw his face and scream that the missing man was right here. Instead he just meowed and rubbed his head against Alfred's cheek. He smiled and kissed the cat on the head. Ivan jumped, surprised, and took off down the hallway.

"I'm going out. It's bar hopping day with my buddies!" Alfred called after him. The front door closed and locked. Ivan sat shaking in the bathroom. _Wait, last time he did that he did not come home until the next day. I think he spent the night with somebody. Am I jealous? _He frowned, something was off. He looked down to see that he was human. He grabbed the largest towel he could find and wrapped it around himself. He had succeeded in learning a lot about Alfred over the past two weeks. He had a hero complex, loved hamburgers, believed in aliens, and played a lot of video games. He showered quickly, taking a real bath for the first time in two weeks. _Cleaning myself was just a little disgusting. However I am trapped here as all my clothes are in Russia. What to do? The kitchen is a mess, I could start there. _He had just finished cleaning when he felt himself growing shorter. He was a cat again. Only two hours were spent being human. _Maybe if Alfred kisses me again, it will happen again and he can get me some clothes. Or would he panic?_

He wondered as he sat and waited.

* * *

**Sorry, it's short. I think it would be an interesting experience: kiss your cat and it suddenly turns into a person. Alfred finds out next chapter.**

**Night13: I would be worried if my cats were that intelligent as well. **

**Chapter Trivia:**

**(Category _Star Trek 2009 _cast)**

**Did Anton Yelchin (born in Saint Petersburg, Russia) have to fake a Russian accent to play the part of Pavel Chekov?**

**I will be asking trivia every chapter now from any category, just so you'll know exactly what kind of nerd I am.**


	4. True or False?

**Note: Congratulations to Believe Bridesmaid for answering the last question. The answer is 'Yes'. Random, but interesting fact. Both Koenig and Yelchin are of Russian decent but neither have the accent. Both families were Jewish immigrants to the US from the Soviet Union.**

* * *

Alfred stumbled through his door at 2 A.M. He was dead drunk and uncertain of where he was. Ivan only watched from the couch as he tripped over the model of the U.S.S. Enterprise he had been playing with earlier and fell on his face. The violet eyes rolled. He was asleep within minutes. The couch was promptly left for a new spot on Alfred's back.

* * *

When Alfred woke up, he felt something on his back preventing him from getting up. "What the hell?" _Did I knock something on myself? _He reached a hand back and touched something furry. _The hell?_ His hand was swatted at and then licked. "Ew, Ivan, that's gross," he said to the floor, withdrawing his hand.

Ivan was unhappy when the hand was pulled away. He got up and walked the length of Alfred's back, over his head and onto the floor in front of him. He turned, sitting down and grabbed a lock of blond hair in his paws. "Ow! Ivan!"

Alfred took his face out of the floor. He instantly got a face full of fur. "I'm happy to see you, too, buddy." He leaned forward and planted another kiss on the cat's head. Ivan ran for the bathroom at top speed. There was a loud crash so Alfred slowly got up and went to look at what happened. He froze in the doorway. There was a stranger in the room. The man faced him. He looked to be about 6 feet tall, had the palest skin he had ever seen, pale blond hair and violet eyes. He was also wearing one of his towels. "Who are you?"

"I am Ivan, your cat."

"My cat?"

"Да."

"Holy shit, you're the guy that's missing."

"I am indeed."

"I don't believe this," Alfred ran to his room.

"Alfred?" Ivan called after him. He waited the required two hours before padding over to see Alfred.

Alfred looked at the cat as he jumped up beside him. "I don't get it. What's going on? How did you become human for a while? Was it because I kissed you?" His only reply was a paw on his face. He slid off the bed and made the cat stay up there. He kissed the head once again. Leaning backwards, he closed his eyes until a quiet voice interrupted.

"Alfred?"

He opened them to find Ivan was human again. He passed him a notebook and pen. "I think you should write down your size."

"Hm?"

"So I can get you some clothes and you might as well tell me what clothes you need also."

"Ah."

"So, what should I tell my boss?"

"For now, nothing. I am only human for two hours at a time. I need to find out how to stay human first." The list finished, Alfred scanned the notepad before looking back at Ivan. "I should probably tell you what is happening, Да?"

"Yeah."

"I go to every meeting my president has with other leaders. We were in London before we came here. I do not know why but it appears I had done something to offend someone in that meeting, a Mr. Arthur Kirkland."

Alfred laughed. "He's my cousin, did you say anything about cooking or eyebrows?"

"Нет. I was silent for the whole meeting until I apologized to him."

"Let me guess, he threatened to curse you."

"Да, he did."

"Should I call him and see what he says?"

"If you must. It may help me."

"Well," Alfred climbed to his feet. "I got to go do some shopping." He leaned in to give Ivan the usual kiss goodbye but caught himself and quickly turned it into a hug. He then left.

Ivan found himself disappointed. Yes, the hug was the norm for when he was a cat but he knew what Alfred was originally going for. He was going to miss him when it came time for him to go home.

* * *

**Alfred took that a little too well, didn't he?**

**Night13: You could say that.**

**Trivia:**

**Category: The Olympics**

**Without googling, name the 5 cities the IOC voted on to host the 2012 Summer Games.**

**Next chapter, Alfred shops, calls Arthur and freaks out.**

**Sneak peak at my next story:**

**Another human AU during the Civil War, Ivan Braginsky was a man that Union General Alfred F. Jones had met the day he was introduced to the Russian delegates that came to announce their intention to support the Union. They start a correspondence by letter that lasts a long time. **

**Pairings: RusAme and FrUk**

**Genre: Romance/Tradegy**


	5. Shopping

**Note: Hmm, obviously nobody wants to answer my question, da? I'll give you one more chapter to do so.**

**

* * *

**

Alfred was browsing through the store. He had the requested pants and shirts in the cart, as well as the requested belt. He had his phone to his ear. Finally it was answered.

"Hey, Iggy. Have you heard about the missing guy in D.C.? I wouldn't say that, I've heard that you may be connected." He pulled a brown jacket off the rack and held it against the list. "I have my sources." The jacket was returned and he went to the next row. "Here it is. Nothing, I'm just looking for something." He pulled a tan jacket off the rack and into the cart. He went to look at the scarves next. "Why did you do it? I doubt he pissed you off as badly as I have in the past. You didn't curse me when I moved out. What makes you think that I know him? Of course I don't. Whatever, Iggy. Fine. You do that. Bye." He hung up. "Well, dear, he doesn't want to help," he said to a light violet scarf.

"Like, excuse me?" said the scarf.

"Whoa!"

"I'm sorry; I so totally didn't mean to startle you."

Alfred realized the scarf wasn't talking but a sales associate beside it. "It's okay."

"I was just going to have to like ask you to take your conversation outside but since you are done I will ask if you like need help."

"I'm just looking for a scarf. A friend of mine asked me if I could find one for him."

"Are these clothes also like for him?"

"Yeah, he isn't able to shop so I said I would for him."

"Like let's see, dark pants, dark shirts, light jacket. I would say like a bright colored scarf like that hot pink one there that's so totally in," Alfred shook his head, "maybe like this one here then, the light purple one."

"I think that would work. Thanks, Feliks."

The Polish man nodded. "Like, you should go to checkout 13, Toris is stationed there today. I so totally send him my love!"

Alfred picked up a pair of boots like asked and also a pair of brown Converses. "He could use awesome shoes." He found the requested socks and went to checkout 13. As said, Toris was there.

"Hello, Mr. Alfred!"

"Hey, Toris, Feliks so totally sends his love."

"I wish he wouldn't do that sometimes. One day the manager will hear him and fire us."

"Elizabeta? No way. She loves that he does it."

"What's with all these?" Toris asked, puzzled until his eyes fell on the scarf.

"I'm just helping a friend," Alfred said unaware of Toris's new expression.

"Alright, just be careful."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure, you sound like you're shaking."

"I'm fine, please just pay so I can get to the next person. I'm sorry; I'll text you about it when I can."

Alfred paid for the clothes and plugged his phone into his car in case he got a phone call. Almost home, he did. He had to stop rocking out to Sunglasses at Night to answer it; it was his brother, Matthew Williams, in Canada. He turned on the speakerphone function.

"Hey, Mattie?"

"Hey, Al. I had a feeling you needed to talk to me. So I thought I would call you rather than wait for your text."

"Yeah, there is something on my mind. I know you heard about the guy that went missing here."

"The Russian?"

"Yes."

"What about him? If you're worried about being the one to find him and having somebody else beat you to it, you can't be the hero all the time. Others can be also."

"That's not it. I did find him."

"Al?"

"Iggy turned him into a cat and that's how I found him."

"He's a cat."

"Yes. For some reason neither of us knows he can be human for two hours when I kiss him."

"Have you kissed him while he is human?"

"No! Why would I?"

"No reason."

"I know that sometime he'll have to become human again and go home. I've just become so used to having him around. He cleaned my freaking kitchen for goodness sakes and said something about making food when I left."

"That's why you like him?"

"No. It's just I don't wanna… lose him and be by myself again. It gets lonely."

"I understand. You should tell him how you feel."

"What?"

"Tell him. Sorry, Al, I've got to go, if you need to talk again later, text me."

"Life just ain't damn fair," Alfred muttered as he switched his phone back to playing music and put on Bohemian Rhapsody.

* * *

**I lied. Not every nation works for their government. I originally had the sales associate as an OC but I thought Feliks would be even funnier. As you figured out Toris knows Ivan and as a friend wants to make sure Alfred stays safe. Elizabeta would make a funny store manager. **

**Arthur's call: Alfred pissed him off so nothing was learned. **

**Matthew's call: Let's call it some weird twin sense. It'll come back up later.**

**Next chapter: Arthur calls back, Toris and Matthew receive texts, Ivan and Alfred have a fight and Alfred truly gets around to freaking out.**

**Night13: I'm getting around to it, you'll see.**

**Trivia:**

**Category: Famous People**

**Again, without Googling, can you name President Dimitry Medvedev's 4 favorite bands?**


	6. Stressed is desserts spelled backwards

**Note: It appears my last two questions were difficult for you. I will answer all unanswered one by the end of the fic.**

**

* * *

**

Alfred pulled into the garage and found Ivan waiting for him in the kitchen. He was a cat again and a hamburger was waiting on the table for him. "Thanks, buddy!" He shouted, ignoring the ears being drawn back to pick him up for a hug. Once Ivan was released, he jumped off the counter and started pawing at the bags. He found the three smaller ones and pawed one over, knocking the belt out. He sniffed it and entered the bag. It was dark. He meowed. _What am I doing? _

"Ivan? Don't do that!" He heard Alfred exclaim with a mouth full of burger. He clawed his way out. "Success! Bag is dead!" Alfred hollered. His tail hit the floor with a loud thump. Silence. Satisfied, he turned his attention to the second of the smaller paper bags and knocked it over. At last, he had found the scarf. His only reply was to purr. The burger was finished, hands were washed and the rest of the bags gathered. "Do you want to keep the dead bag?" No reply. Alfred took the bags, including the scarf, to his guest bedroom. Ivan jumped up on the bed and watched him hang the clothes up, still purring as the rest went into a drawer in a stand by the bed. Once he was done, he turned to the purring cat and kissed him on the head, then went to curl up in his bed and think. After a little while the door creaked open and Ivan entered, dressed only in a pair of pants. There was a little bit of fussing between the two before Alfred scooted over and Ivan lay down beside him.

"So, what's home for you?" Alfred asked.

"Hm, my house or my city?"

"Both."

A cold hand found his arm. "I live in Moscow. My neighborhood is a quiet one. My two sisters used to share my house with me but they moved out to work for their governments. It is a rather large house for me to live in alone."

He smiled and moved closer to the other, who stilled and let him. Their lips were just moments away from meeting when Alfred's phone rang.

_If there's a bustle in your hedgerow_

"Shit," Alfred swore and pulled back. He grabbed the phone to find that he had a text message from Toris.

_Do you know Ivan Braginsky?_

_Yes. Why?_

_Just be careful. He has DID._

_What?_

_Dissociative Identity Disorder._

_What?_

_He has multiple personalities._

_Oh. _

_The one most see is the innocent, childlike Ivan. He's the one you want to see and makes you love him. It's only if you get closer you meet the other. He comes out without warning and never remembers anything but what he did last time he was out. He's violent and will not hesitate to hurt. Only way you can tell which one is out is by his voice. If his voice suddenly deepens, you're in trouble. Another thing, good Ivan can never remember what it is other Ivan has done. There may an exception to this, his sisters aren't sure. If you ever encounter other Ivan, don't run, just try to talk to him and hope that there aren't any plumbing systems nearby. _

_How do you know this?_

_I was his best friend once until I met other Ivan. He had a bit of a crush on me and I liked his younger sister. _

_Thanks, Toris. I'll keep that in mind._

He put his phone back down. "What was that about?" Ivan's voice had grown deeper.

"Just a friend sending me a stupid forward."

"Let me see."

Alfred gave Ivan the phone. He had erased the whole conversation already having it memorized. All Ivan saw was a text from Matthew talking about how his polar bear has eaten all the maple syrup. To Alfred's surprise Ivan began to laugh. He started to laugh with him. "You were lying."

He stopped. "Maybe I was."

"What was the real message?"

"It was from Arthur saying that he was looking for a way to turn you human again." _Keep him distracted until good Ivan returns or he becomes a cat again._

Ivan snorted. "You only want me to believe that."

Alfred's phone rang again.

_Misunderstanding all you see_

"Who is it?"

"Arthur."

"Answer it."

"Hello?"

"Hey, git. I felt bad about our last conversation so I started looking for what curse I used. I had meant to turn him orange and make his hair blue but I somehow turned him into a cat."

Ivan growled.

"What was that?"

"One very angry Russian cat. So what now?"

"There is no way to magically turn him back. He may be a cat for the rest of his life."

A new voice interrupted. "Don't lie, _mon cher_. There is a way; he just simply has to fall in love with somebody who loves him back."

"I see," Alfred's heart started beating faster as he glanced into the angry violet eyes of the man before him.

"You bloody frog."

"Thanks, Iggy. I've gotta go. Bye." He hung up. _If only I hadn't been interrupted earlier, I could have been the one to… but I don't know how he feels. I certainly can't find out now, although I can try. _He approached the silent figure glaring at a clock. He was just about to steal a kiss when Ivan grabbed his arm.

"Don't even think about trying," he snarled. The arm was released with a snap as it broke. He fell back, nursing his arm as Ivan stormed from the room and went into the other bedroom. He laid back down until the pacing in the other room stopped. He went in there to see how he was doing.

"Ivan?"

The large grey cat lashed out with claws. Alfred left and went to his neighbor, a doctor, who cleaned his face and took him to his workplace to tend to his arm.

"What happened?"

"I fell."

His arm was bandaged and after a few hours he was released. He headed out for ice cream which he ate carefully wishing Ivan was here with him. _I hope he doesn't remember._

_

* * *

_**_Success! Bag is dead! _is a reference to a picture on _icanhazcheezburger. _I'm mean to you guys, aren't I? Toris just had to stop them from kissing. **

**Ivan being curious about the bag is something I have seen my cats do.**

**Toris's ringtone: _Stairway to Heaven _- Led Zeppelin. **

**DID: _Dissociative Identity Disorder_, also known as having more than one personality. I had to find someway to explain creepy sadistic!Ivan. The profile on the Hetalia wiki is how I got this. _Unaware of his own cruelty. _I would also like to thank Whyntir for in her character dissection of him for saying he _has two faces_, one way of pointing out DID. **

**Toris liking Natalya is canon.**

**Matthew's polar bear: Kumajirou is my favorite character, he has to have some love.**

**Arthur's ringtone: _Strawberry Fields Forever_ - The Beatles. **

**Francis was only trying to spread the love by telling Alfred the cure. Yes, this was meant as a total _Beauty and the Beast _type thing. **

**Alfred's thoughts are obvious, he has fallen in love with Ivan and of course is unaware that he loves him too. Ivan is also unaware that Alfred loves him and thinks that he doesn't.**

**Next chapter: Matthew comforts, Alfred confronts and all feelings are confessed. There will be two more chapters after that.**

**Trivia: **

**Category: Literature**

**True/False: Mark Twain wrote _Anna Karenina. _**

**Upcoming story: AnaTheAwesome and I are co-writing an AU FrUk fic that has yet to be titled. **


	7. Confessions

While Alfred was in the ice cream parlor his phone rang.

_If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon_

"Hey, Mattie. Yeah, I'm okay. Fine, I'm not. I'm drowning my sorrows in ice cream. Yes, it's Ivan related. No, nothing fucking happened. Especially not something that would result in my cheek being scratched and my left arm being broken. It's fine. I'm sure we'll be over it soon. No, I didn't tell him, I almost did. I'm being stared at weirdly. Hold on a moment." He threw his trash away and left the place, walking home. "Okay, I can talk again now. Mattie, he has two personalities. I was about to tell him when Toris told me about the whole two Ivans thing." He sat on a bench. "After we were doing, the other Ivan was out and Iggy called about how he screwed the curse up. The only way to break it is for him to fall in love. No, with someone who will return the feelings. He grew upset and broke my arm. Once he was a cat again, I went to see how he was. Turned out other Ivan was still in control and I received several claws to the face. Yes, I still love him. I love both of him. It may be somebody else but I wish the one he winds up with is me. You're right, Mattie. I'll do that. Thanks. Bye."

He got home to find the cat curled up on the couch. He reached out and gently stroked the soft fur of that head. "I wonder if your hair is just as soft," he said softly to the still slumbering cat.

Several days passed with Ivan trying to avoid him. After about a week of this, he woke up one morning with the cat on his pillow. He leaned forward and kissed it. Ivan was gone a minute later. He heard walking around and went to wait by the door. He didn't have long to wait before Ivan came out, fully dressed.

"Alfred?"

"Ivan."

"I am sorry. I remember what I did to you that night. I think I can risk it on my own now."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"You aren't leaving. I won't let you."

"I hurt you, you should be angry with me."

"I'm not."

"Why?"

Alfred sighed. _How to begin? _Ivan started walking again. "Ivan," his call was unanswered. "Ivan," he tried again. He grabbed an arm with his right hand and pulled the Russian towards him. "Please don't leave, because what if somebody else finds you and they're the ones to break the curse. I would die. Not really, but I want it to be me so badly."

Ivan sighed, watching the tears roll down his face. "You do?"

"Yes."

"I do not know what to say to that."

Alfred closed his eyes, screaming for him to go ahead and say it now. _Say it; say you don't like me if you must. _He was surprised when footsteps came closer and a soft pair of lips brushed his. He opened his eyes to see Ivan standing so close to him that he couldn't help it. He moved forward and kissed him back.

Ivan felt the cast digging into his chest but kept their lips locked. Alfred's right hand was in his hair, moving locks in a desperate attempt to touch skin. He pulled back when he needed air, allowing Alfred to get some also before capturing his lips again. After a while, they sit on the couch and hold hands.

"I will have to go home eventually."

"I know. I wish I could go with you."

"Ah, you could."

* * *

**Matthew's ringtone: _Race Among the Ruins -_ Gordon Lightfoot**

**Ivan remembering what he had done to Alfred: normally, the personalities do not share memories. Ivan is a rare case, if not the only, that does and only because the feelings for Alfred are shared by both. This is, again, rare/not occurring. **

**Next chapter: flashbacks of first chapter, second personality re-appears, and a certain sister visits.**

**Last trivia question:**

**Category: Animals**

**Without googling, name the six sub-species of tigers that currently exist.**


	8. Moving

Alfred opened his eyes. He didn't recognize his surroundings. Everything came back to him in a rush: quitting his job, the phone call, packing and the airport. He had fallen asleep on the plane and woke up when it landed in Moscow. Ivan had gathered their bags and helped him to his car. He slept in the car and woke up when they arrived at Ivan's home, _now his home also_. The bags were taken inside while he struggled to get out, but somehow he was carried inside and put somewhere to sleep. He mentally scratched an itch on his left cheek. He couldn't actually touch it because there was still a bandage on it. He could take it off in a few hours to see if Ivan's claws had left scars.

Speaking of Ivan, he felt a pair of arms around him and heard the gentle breathing of someone sleeping. He smiled and snuggled closer. _I knew my job at the White House wasn't going to be long but nobody told me that I would fall in love cat while working there. What kind of human falls in love with their pet? Even if that pet was actually one hell of a good looking guy, even if he was Russian. Then again, not everybody has Arthur Kirkland for a cousin. _Alfred giggled at the thought and Ivan shifted. He turned to glance at him. A pale hand took the bandage off his face and gently ran over the newly formed scars on his cheek. He waited for someone to speak.

Someone sighed but neither could tell which one it was. Alfred slowly sat up and Ivan followed suit. A hand found the cast next. "When does this come off?" He thought there was something different about his voice.

"Next week."

The other hummed and it was caught then. _Other Ivan is back. _He wanted to say something but lips were on his. "The hell?"

"Hm?"

"I know one of you loves me but I thought the other one didn't."

"_Nyet_," then they were kissing again.

Alfred woke up again several hours later. A phone was ringing and it wasn't his. Ivan picked up the phone. He was silently listening for a long time before he put it back down. "My boss," he said in explanation. Sleep overtook them once more.

Knocking on the door woke them up suddenly. "BROTHER!" A voice was shouting. "BROTHER! YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN!"

Ivan swore and got up. Alfred watched him dress before deciding that he needed to get up also. He smiled at the sight of Ivan putting the Converses on. Once they were done, they went to the door.

"BROTHER! WHY DOES THIS DOOR STILL STAND BETWEEN US?"

"My sister, Natalya," he whispered before opening the door.

A girl that looked like him slipped in, only difference was that she had blue eyes. "Brother, now that you're home from America, we can get married."

Alfred didn't notice the fear in Ivan's eyes until he heard that last part. "That, my dear, is called incest and is frowned upon in most societies." He nodded after he finished adapting his favorite Johnny Depp quote for more of an affect.

"Brother, who is this strange man that ruins Johnny Depp quotes?"

"Ah, Alfred, this is my younger sister, Natalya. Natalya, this is my boyfriend, Alfred."

Natalya drew a knife.

"Natasha."

"Brother, should I kill this man? He is standing in my way."

"That wouldn't be necessary, Naty."

"What did you call me?"

"Naty."

"Naty?"

"Naty."

"I do not like that name."

"Nat? Nats?"

"Call me my name."

"Okay, my name."

Natalya threw her knife at Alfred, who caught it. "Hey, you shouldn't attack an injured man."

She threw a second which was also caught.

"Down with the bloody big head," he said with a Scottish accent.

Natalya laughed. Alfred pressed on, this time in an Australian accent. "Crikey there, mate. Watch where you're throwing those things. You don't want a pretty Sheila like yourself getting hurt."

"Brother, is he hitting on me?"

"No," he was in an English accent now, "why would I do a thing like that?"

"Where did you find him, brother? I want one."

"He found me in America."

Natalya ran from the house.

"How did you manage that?"

"I lived in a house with Duncan, Dylan, Arthur, Keira and Peter Kirkland as well as Aidan Carey, Steve Walker, Madri Mehra and several others for most of my teenage years. You learn how to handle crazy family."

"Я думаю, что будет держать вас, да?"

"You can for as long as you like."

* * *

**Translations:**

**Russian:**

**I think I will keep you, yes?**

**OOC Natalya and Alfred: four hours of sleep doesn't help me. **

**I have a friend named Natasha that we call Naty. **

**Yes, Alfred quoted both _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory _and _Alice in Wonderland._**

**Duncan Kirkland: Scotland**

**Dylan: Wales**

**Keira: N. Ireland**

**Aidan Carey: Ireland**

**Steve Walker: Australia**

**Madri Mehra: India**

**Next chapter: Family get-together.**

**Night13: That answer your question?**


	9. Finale

**Note: So I was thinking about how to begin this awesome chapter and suddenly I had a total Hungary moment. I had to stop the bleeding first before I could start writing.**

**

* * *

**

Doing his best impression of a panicked headless chicken was not the best way to spend his fifth New Year's Eve in Moscow, everybody thought of Alfred F. Braginski as they watched him run from room to room. This was the second time everybody had been over at the same time since the wedding three years ago.

All of Alfred's family was over; Maria Sanchez was on one of the couches with some Asian kid Alfred could never remember. The five Kirklands were all over the room, arguing with others or even a wall in Arthur's case.

"FLYING MINT BUNNY!" All winced at Arthur's shout.

Matthew Williams was talking to Ivan's older sister, Yekaterina. The rest of Alfred's cousins were in different locations entirely. Natalya was glaring at Francis Bonnefoy, Arthur's boyfriend.

They even had friends over.

"Like, Toris, it's okay," that was Feliks, trying to comfort his shaking boyfriend in a corner.

The now former bosses of both Ivan and Alfred were nearby, grateful they didn't bring their families.

Alfred finally sat down but was soon back on his feet. By now, all were at least half drunk. Ivan pulled him into his lap right as he started leading everybody in a drunken chorus of _Bohemian Rhapsody _for the third time. The other American in the room took advantage of the silence to starting everybody singing _Sweet Home Alabama_ until he paused long enough for the song to be changed to _Stairway to Heaven_. Halfway through they stopped and Alfred started up again.

_Left a good job in the city_

Once they finished _Proud Mary _they ruined _The 12 Days of Christmas_.

_When you're trying to get England, you're trying to get England._

"What the bloody hell, Alfred? Don't be a git."

Ivan was the first one sober early that morning. Yeah, he was hung over but he finally sent everybody walking to either their home or their hotel, dragging Alfred to bed. "You had too much fun."

Alfred groaned and clung to him. At the bitter end it was just him with Ivan for company.

* * *

**Lame end. I know. **

**The used version of _12 Days of Christmas _is by The Chad Mitchell Trio. The line about England is a real line from the song.**

**Answers:**

**Chapter 4: London, Paris, New York, Madrid and Moscow.**

**Chapter 5: Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd and Deep Purple.**

**Chapter 6: False. Leo Tolstoy wrote _Anna Karenina_.**

**Chapter 7: Bengal, Indochinese, Malayan, Sumatran, Siberian and South China.**

**Story: This guy on the FarmVille forums went off on this rant about how he hated history, especially Russian history. So I beat him up, posted in Russian and beat him up again. The moderators jumped me so I swore in German at them and then beat them up. Then I drank milk and wrote this. **

**It's Irrational Hugs day so hugs and chocolate cake for everybody.**

**The Fujoshi: That rock run away yet?**


End file.
